Episode 002 - 20 Years Strong: A Toast to Our Beautiful Blended Family

Angelic Gibson: 0:02

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Grow where God reveals our way. I'm Angelic Gibson, your host, and I can't wait to explore the vast riches of God's Word with you. So don't forget to subscribe and stay tuned for upcoming episodes packed with biblical teachings, inspirational stories and a fresh perspective on the world around us. Now let's get started on this beautiful journey. May God bless you abundantly. Hello, amazing listeners, thanks for tuning back into Grow, where God reveals our way. I first want to say thank you so much for tuning in and listening to the very first episode of Grow, which was launched in early September. During the episode, I went through the importance of understanding spiritual markers in our life. What are the intersections where you can clearly see God showing up in your life and really making sure you're moving onto his path? One of those spiritual markers for me was my family, and so the Lord blesses people through the blessing of marriage, through the blessing of children. Whether we're physical parents, you know, truly giving birth or adopting children, or we're spiritual mothers and fathers of the people around us, god is all about family, and that's why he has his church. We're all to be a part of his family, his bride, known as the church. So today I really want to click into my family. Why? Because the feedback that I received from the first episode of Grow was really remarkable. How much interest and encouragement you all provided me back into the spiritual markers I shared in your interest to learn more about my family. Some of the feedback was connected to the fact that my family is a blended family. Several of you out there who have listened to Grow thus far are in a similar situation and you're really looking for tools and encouragement and insights into how God showed up in our family and brought us together. And even if you're not a blended family, you find yourself in a traditional family. There's always things that we can learn from each other to encourage each other and spur us on in this race that we are running for the Lord. So that's what I'm going to do today I'm going into click my family, and what's really neat about my family is my husband and I, John, we just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on September 28. It's absolutely incredible Just to know that when we started, we started off on this journey almost 22 years ago, when we met each other, we started dating and we had this big mountain to climb if we were going to make it.

Angelic Gibson: 2:55

I was entering into our relationship with three children of my own. I had two daughters and a son, and John had two daughters of his own. So at that point in time, we had five children that we were going to have to figure out. How do we unite, how do we blend and how do we actually make a family out of these different pieces that we're going to start to come together? And that's what we did. I can't unpack 20 years today, but I'm certainly going to give you some insights. And, beyond our five children that we had to knit and bring together, we were blessed and we were able to have a child of our own, john. John, we call him, and he is what is hours together. So it's truly a yours, mine and ours blended together in celebration of being together for 22 years and being married for now 20. Praise the Lord.

Angelic Gibson: 3:55

So I'm going to start off with well, how did we actually ring in the 20th year of our marriage? My husband, the gifted, blessed man that he is, he has been working since the beginning of the year, in Cahoots with our four daughters, to plan a magical weekend away, nearing you know when we would get to September. So they started all the way back in January 2023. And they have been plotting and planning what could be a magical weekend to really just honor God, honor our family and just celebrate what God has done in and through our family. And I'm going to tell you if it's 10 out of 10, you know, being a home run, they got 20 out of 10. I mean, it was a grand slam. They won the World Series for anniversary weekends. So what was it? Well, I'll just say that my husband knows that I favor things like castles and magical experiences.

Angelic Gibson: 4:56

I'm kind of caught up in the air of Downton Abbey. Yes, for those of you who know what that show is and you love it, you're kindred to my heart. For those who don't know what Downton Abbey is, well, it's time that you go find and explore, because it is for everyone. It's a beautiful show and in that show it really highlights the culture of early 1900, just the turn of the centuries, where there used to be these beautiful family estates and you would have the castles and you would have the butlers and the chef staff and the people caring for the land and caring for the house and it just had this really cool connected community feel on the estate. I liken it to the Biltmore estate that we have here in Asheville, north Carolina. It's just incredibly beautiful. The architecture, the technology to build these homes was just incredible and I'm just fascinated with that era and how people lived. But what I really like about it is just the connected community.

Angelic Gibson: 6:02

And so my husband. He rented a castle in the mountains here in the Appalachian Mountains and he brought in a dear friend who's also a chef and he had some help. But we were waited on, we were cooked for and we got to stay on this incredible grounds that were just breathtaking, and my entire family came in, which is a feed in itself. There's 14 of us now. So of the five children that we brought into this marriage one that we had together, that's a total of six children. Three of them are now married and we also have three grandchildren. So our family is rapidly growing and we all just showed up.

Angelic Gibson: 6:47

It was supposed to be a surprise wink, wink. I kind of knew we were coming together, but I had no idea to the degree of which the thought and care that they all put into just picking the right place for us to stay. That gave us ample space to really just connect and be together, just to take in God's beauty of the mountains and then just to be loved and served with incredible food and drink and just incredible conversation. Not only that, he brought in one of our dear friends who is a master photographer, and she captured the moments. So here we are in the beautiful mountains, surrounded by the family that we love, just again, just connecting, celebrating, and it was filled with rich dialogue Just some of the things that were beautiful touches. On the weekend, our children really just honored John and I so well. They went the extra step and did special touches. They made probably a 20-foot banner that included our wedding picture on one side, a more recent picture of us on the other side, and in the middle of it it said Happy 20 years. It was just a beautiful touch just to hang up and look at where we started and where we're at today.

Angelic Gibson: 8:07

Not only that Uber Creative Children. They took all of our family videos that we curated over the years and they picked out some of their most fond memories of their upbringing and they clipped it all together and then they interwoven own their own testimonies into the video. So, for example, the ones that are now married. It's their three daughters who are married and their three husbands. They really talked about what they, what do they take from my marriage with John you know our marriage and how do they model those things into their own marriage. So what do they really respect and love about our marriage and what are the things that they do inside their own marriage to make sure that they're girded up and strengthened? And then they took some of the highlights from their childhood, things that were really important to them as far as how did we parent them and what were those nuggets that they were going to take back and really make sure it's embedded in the way that they parent. And then those who aren't yet married they're, you know, seeking who their spouse will be. They still really just highlighted what they loved about our marriage, what they loved about our childhood and what they hoped for their own family. So it was really just this incredible video that they stitched together to really honor and celebrate the love that John and I have for each other and how we have been intentional, with the Lord's help, to interweave God's way into a blended family, which is incredibly hard to do, and I'm gonna talk a little bit more about all that goodness in a little bit.

Angelic Gibson: 9:56

But one of the things that was just really, really special about that weekend too is when we sat around the dinner table on a Saturday night. We really went around the table and just honored each other and our spouses, and so, for those of us who are married, around the dinner table we just stopped and paused and we had each one of our children and their spouse share what they just loved about the other person. And then those who aren't yet married, they really shared about what they were hoping and praying for for their future spouse. And it was just this heartfelt moment where John and I just got to listen to the spiritual maturity of our children, the hearts that they have for each other and, really, the fruit that God has produced in and through our marriage that has now touched the next generation, and it is just overwhelming and incredibly beautiful and it's a gift from God to be able to see that fruit, you know, really blossom before your eyes. So I give God glory for that, because it's all His wisdom and his love and his compassion and mercy that has been in my heart and John's heart to lead our family so well and it's not perfect. So I just painted this beautiful weekend of celebrating 20 years of marriage. You don't get to that kind of fruit without the adversity and the trials and the tribulations and the tough conversations and the nights where you fight not to go to bed angry and you can, you know, tuck away in a closet and cry and just really you fight for your family. And when you fight for your family, knowing that God is at the forefront and you're really fighting to serve him and give him honor for what he's given you, the fruit will come. I encourage you in that.

Angelic Gibson: 11:51

So how did we get to 20 years of life while blending this, this family? There's so many things I could talk about, but I'm just gonna unpack a couple of them today and I'm gonna start with a lot of Jesus and a lot of Holy Spirit. Again, I just said you have to fight for this. You have to fight for what you want. You have to remember why you came together to begin with, and it's whether what you're going to do, and it's whether whether you're blended or you're in a traditional family or you're just now, you know, starting to date someone. You got to fight for the relationship because you do have an adversary out there who does not want you to succeed. He comes in to kill, still in destroy, but God's promise is that he comes to give life and give it abundantly.

Angelic Gibson: 12:35

And so one of the things that, when we think about, the afflictions or the hurt that we impose upon each other in a relationship, it's so important that God's mercy covers us first and foremost, and if we truly know that truth, it allows our heart to be softened, to extend mercy to the other person. So one of the life verses that was steadfast in our marriage Over the years, and still is, is Lamentations 3: 22- 23. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. So that's it. If we understand that God's love is steadfast and his mercies never come to an end and they're new every morning, that is the strength that we need to, you know, fight through the adversity that every family faces To get to the faithfulness and the fruit of the Lord.

Angelic Gibson: 13:34

The other thing that I would say is absolutely just, so incredibly important, is that we have to pray. We have to pray together, you know, as a husband and wife, we have to pray together as a family. That means bringing your children in and around the dinner table or putting them in the living room. Many nights we would gather in our family room and we would just pray together and so teaching your kids to pray, praying with them, praying together as husband and wife, just really putting your dreams, your desires, your burdens, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly, putting it all before the Lord and just leaving it at his feet and trusting him with it. That is the weapon that protects the family. Prayer is everything, and with that, I think it's so critically important, John and I. This is something that we united on early on in our relationship and, although you know, nothing is ever done in perfection, it's progress. Each and every day you make a choice to keep taking the step forward toward the direction that you want.

Angelic Gibson: 14:45

One of them is the power of words. You know it says that the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. So every word that comes off of our mouth has the power to speak life or death. And that, really, how does this play out in a family? Well, it's. How do you speak to your spouse? How do you speak to your children? Are you speaking love and life over them, or are you speaking out your manifestation of a fear or anger? And whatever we release from the tongue, it actually becomes our reality.

Angelic Gibson: 15:22

And so just something simple in our beautifully blended family, is we really steered clear from words that drew lines of division in a biological sense. So we never wanted our kids to feel that one was more important than the other, than the other, based on a biological DNA line, and so we were very intentional not to use words like stepchildren, stepparents. We didn't. You know, I never took on the role, as you know, mom, if you will, to the two daughters of John's that I inherited, but I would never, you know, refer to my mom myself as a stepmom. I was a parental figure in their life who loves them very much, and I'm going to fight for them to, you know, be protected in love, just like I would fight and care for those that I, you know, had a biological connection to.

Angelic Gibson: 16:20

And the other thing was the mindset of John and I holding each other accountable to, "were we being fair? It says in Romans 2: 11, that God does not show favoritism, and so if we show favoritism based on bloodlines, we are not in the will of God and so every day, we would hold ourselves accountable. Do we really show up in that situation, that conversation, with favoritism or bent towards, you know, the children that were biologically connected to ourselves? Or did we fight past the human nature of want to show favoritism but actually honor God by not choosing to side with our flesh and loving beyond the situation of biology? And so, again, words matter, choices matter, really holding yourself accountable. Are you being fair and loving across biological lines? Those are the hard questions, the hard situations that we had to face on a daily basis, and you know we have to even guard against it today.

Angelic Gibson: 17:24

And our children are adult children. The youngest are, you know, our baby boy that we had together is 19 and our eldest is 29. So it's 10 years of children in between. They're all adulting and we still we love them and we fight for them every day. But it's certain, certainly important to make sure that we're being fair and equal across the board. Funny story, just to give you an idea of what this kind of look like in our household.

Angelic Gibson: 17:58

We are a family that loves Christmas. I don't do a lot of shopping or gifting throughout the year, and so I really like to save up throughout the year and then really take inventory of what are the needs that my children have, you know, food, shelter, clothing. If you think about it that way not the wants of the world, but what clothes did they need? What shoes did they need on their feet? Did they need anything special for school? I really saved up what I wanted to get them and made it all come together at Christmas. So we enjoyed beautiful big Christmas celebrations with gifts and things like that, and we really did it more and we still do it today Because we love Jesus and we want to honor him and we want to celebrate his birth.

Angelic Gibson: 18:43

And part of my love language is giving gifts and I just love to do on my children with gifts and when we first got together, john and I, he used to really analyze what are the gifts and I'm just going to, you know, make it simple. So I have a now 29 year old daughter and he has a 29 year old daughter. So when we're coming together these two little girls were seven at the time and when we were early on at Christmas seasons, I did all the shopping and John would scrutinize what did I buy Felicia, which would be his firstborn, and what did I buy Carissa, my firstborn, and he would look at every gift and he would say, oh, this one's better than that one. And the funny thing about it is his taste was always more aligned to Carissa's, my firstborn daughter, and my taste was always aligned to Felicia's, his firstborn daughter. And so when he would look at the gifts, he would think that the gifts that I, you know, bought Carissa were better and that they therefore should go to his daughter, felicia. So was I playing favorites? But at the end of the day, you know, I was really intentional to buy for their style and their interest, if you will.

Angelic Gibson: 20:06

But I can't tell you the arguments that we would get into over the silliest things of the gift that I bought, one, you know, really should have gone to the other one because we had a preference that we liked the other gift more. But at the end of the day, the kids loved everything they ever got. So those. It sounds so silly when you reflect back on it. Thank God we're past that state of thank God. We're past that stage, well, past that stage now.

Angelic Gibson: 20:30

But I can't tell you the countless arguments and opportunity for tension that would arise over gift giving, and it was. You know the motive, for you know from the gift giver myself was truly pure at the time, but there was an insecurity there and a need to protect that would rise up and we would have to again go into prayer, have civil conversations, really fight through it and get to a place where we could truly trust each other and know that the other person's motive was pure of heart. But it took a lot of time to get there and prayer was a huge source of comfort and you know the shield, if you will, the protection that we needed to work through those things. I've already really touched on this.

Angelic Gibson: 21:19

But the other critical element to really the fruit that we have found in our 20 years worth of marriage is really prioritizing God first, then us, then our children. And I would say oftentimes, whether you're blended or not, it's really easy to start to put the kids first. So it's backwards kids, then marriage, then God. And I would say the tendency that I've experienced in a blended marriage, there's even greater tendencies to want to put the kids first because of the guilt that you're carrying from previous relationships into your new marriage. Well, my kids deserve to be first, because they're hurt or they might have broken pieces in their hearts that need mending. So I need to overcompensate and the kids can start to become first. Well, I will say that is. That is playing in Satan's playground, and so, early on, we made a commitment to each other and we fought for this commitment every day. Our family would be ordered according to how God created it in the Bible, which is him first. Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself. And neighbor starts with husband, children and then community. And so how did this? How did we live this out? What did it look like? Well, we did devotions together.

Angelic Gibson: 22:46

So, john and I, you would frequently find us on a Saturday, sunday morning getting up early and reading the Bible together, journaling together, praying together and really dreaming together, really taking stock. And where are we at today in our marriage and where do we want to be in five years from now as a couple? Where do we want to be in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 30 years, like legacy planning? We have done that since the day we came together. We've always really put a lot of care into how we communicate to each other and how we invest Words, we speak, life into our marriage.

Angelic Gibson: 23:25

So dreaming together in partnership with God is so important, and not only that. Time is everything you say. Follow the money. You're going to find some interesting things. Whether it's serving good or evil, well, same thing. Follow time. Where do you spend your time? Because that's where your priority is, and so we would, at a minimum, john and I would go on one date per week where we would leave the kids with a caregiver and we would invest in our marriage, and oftentimes, when we would be going through seasons of more stress, we would actually increase date nights to twice a week, because that's how important we thought our time together was. If our tank is not filled in our marriage, then we won't have an overflow for our children, and that's obviously so critically important.

Angelic Gibson: 24:18

Some of the things that we joke about today and our kids know this. On Saturday mornings, as I mentioned, we'd get up and do devotions together. We also love coffee, and so our quiet time reading the Bible and praying would include a lot of coffee, and if there was coffee in hand, that was a signal to our children. This is a do not disturb zone. That means mom and dad are busy, you know, working on us individually, working on us corporately, as a couple, and you cannot come in until the coffee is empty. And, man, they would get so frustrated they're like is the coffee over yet? Is the coffee over yet? But today they love it because it's a testament to just the strength of the relationship that they were witnessing without even understanding what was really going on in the moment. And those are some of the nuggets that they're also incorporating into their own marriages today, where they really want to date each other, pour into each other, just really put each other first, so they have the overflow to their own children. It's just so important. And when you have the overflow to the children, this is what it starts to look like, at least for us anyway. You know I already told you that Christmas was epic in our house. We love Jesus and we like to celebrate big.

Angelic Gibson: 25:32

But the other thing that we were intentional on doing was family vacations, whether it be a trip to a local beach or years where we could afford, you know, something more extravagant. We invested in our family, we looked at it as an investment, and so we would save, we would put the money in, because that's where we create our best days and our legacy moments really just investing in the family. Our family dinners would include self free zones where we would allow phones at the table. We would go around and just love each other and honor each other, calling out what's the fruit in your sibling, sitting to your right or your left, that you just really admire, it, just really affirm, you know, affirm everyone around the dining table so important. One thing that I loved so much and I'd like to say that my kids loved it too is we would do kid dinner night, and what that looked like is that, you know, they would rotate and each kid would get to select what did they want to make for the family, and then they would do a three course meal. It had to be an appetizer dinner and then a little dessert dessert and then after dinner, they got to pick out what lesson did they want to learn from the Bible, and then I would teach it to them, and so it was just a really cool way to get the kids connected to responsibility, getting them to connected to how do they serve and love their family, and then how do we learn and grow together through God's word.

Angelic Gibson: 27:04

Those were some of my favorite days as well. And then, just you know, cutting back and having fun. We've typically always had a swimming pool in our backyard we were blessed to, we've been blessed to have a place to swim and so we would be in the pool, or we've had access to water so we'd be in the lake or the ocean. But we just love pool and lake days. It's just some of our favorite times, and that's always filled with playing games and just making fun of each other in a loving way and being silly. So many good memories just to talk about and on that anniversary weekend we literally just talked for two days on all those beautiful memories that we have shared over 20 years of just being a family. It's just incredible.

Angelic Gibson: 27:51

And the last thing that I would just say is one thing that John and I have always been pretty intentional on is not sweeping things under the carpet, having an ear and a heart to listen and not shying away from leaning into the friction. And so oftentimes you know there would be undercurrents of friction in the house and you can choose to ignore it or you can sit people down and say, hey, let's, let's really dive into what's really going on and clicking into the hearts of. What are the kids processing? Where do they need help? Where do I need help as a wife and vice versa. What does he need from me? Is this, you know, what does he need, as my husband, from me? I just really be intentional to stop, pause and are we having the real conversation and not letting things manifest and build? When the kids would get in a fight, I would literally stop, pause and make them hug it out until they could turn the laughter and then, once they were at a place of no longer being, you know, infused with anger, we could actually talk about what happened to begin with and just not letting it lie. So those are just some of the fun things and just some of the points of investment that we have made into our marriage that, from my perspective, at a 30,000 foot view, have proven to be fruitful throughout the years and is really the result we have today a family of 14 and growing.

Angelic Gibson: 29:25

I truly trust one day, to all my children listening out there, I will have 24 grandchildren plus. That's what I'm praying for. So you got to keep being busy out there getting married and having those babies, but family is everything. This is the legacy God says if you love him with all your heart, mind and soul and serve him and keep his commands, he will bless you for a thousand generations. And that's what I claim every single day over my family is that we will be blessed for a thousand generations. We don't have to be a traditional family to receive that blessing. God brought John and I together and therefore he is the one who needed our family together as one body, and so we stand firm in it every day and we will continue to fight the good battle for our family, because they're worth it.

Angelic Gibson: 30:06

So what can you take away from today? I'll just leave you with a few. But know your spouse, know your, know the person that you're in relationship with him. Keep them as a priority, date them, listen to them, cry with them and love them. It's a partnership. Same thing with your family. Know your family, know your kids, invest in them.

Angelic Gibson: 30:29

Don't let any of the division of the world come in to separate you. The world, the enemy, wants to come in and divide you, but God wants to unite us. You know, I'm reminded of John 17, where Jesus is going to the cross and his only final prayer to the Father which I think is absolutely mind blowing and it just warms my heart when I think about it is he said Father, as I am in you and you are in me, let them be in me and I in you, so and I in them, so the world will believe that you sent me. And I'm paraphrasing there a little bit, but the notion is is, as Jesus is united in the Father and the Father's united in him, jesus wants us to be united in him, so then he can be united in us. Unity is the very thing that keeps the enemy out. It keeps us strong as a body. So fight for your family, fight for your spouse. Don't let division come in.

Angelic Gibson: 31:26

Read the Bible together, pray together, they say. People who pray together stick together. Don't make your children your idols. Keep your keep. God is the one that you worship. And then thank God for the blessings that he's given you, which would be your spouse and your children. Have fun together. Speak life over each other in every single way. Let no idle word escape your mouth. It's like God says guard your mouth. It's the pathway of wisdom. And really think about generational legacy building. Where do you want to be in 20 years with your family? What's the next 20 going to look like when you're gone? What do you want your legacy to be in your family? And just know that the Lord is going to set you up to be blessed to, to bless you and your lineage for a thousand generations.

Angelic Gibson: 32:12

So I hope you enjoyed this episode of grow. God reveals our way. Just wanted to listen to your feedback and respond by clicking into the spiritual marker of my family. I hope that this has given you encouragement or just little nuggets that you can apply to your own life, that God may continue to reveal your way with him. If you haven't had a chance to follow us on social media, please do so. We are handle on Instagram and Facebook is at God reveals our way and on Twitter it's at God reveals our W. Why there's no a in it? But drop us a comment. How you're enjoying this, this podcast, thus far? We would love to hear from you. I would also love to hear how you're going to apply what you heard or learned today into your own family. You know God says that we have to keep sharing, so we are encouraged in his way to spur each other on, and so when I know when I see your comments or I get your messages, they they are an encouragement to me as well. So let's keep this conversation two way and we'll keep having fun together.

Angelic Gibson: 33:29

I do want to set up a little teaser for what's coming next. My other spiritual marker that I shared was my career. God's done a lot of work in and through my career, and so I'm going to bring you a little bit of an episode on what does it look like to bring faith into the marketplace, and then, followed by that episode, will be a guest. A guest I brought in, a really powerful guest. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but it's a powerful leader in the marketplace. He's just an inspiration to thousands really around the globe, and he was gracious enough to accept an invitation to be on this podcast. So he will be coming soon and he is not going to be let out of the bag for another episode. So stay tuned. Got to keep, keep you on your toes so you come back and listen.

Angelic Gibson: 34:23

But thank you all for joining me today and I just want to leave with a prayer of blessings over you. So, heavenly Father, we just thank you for this time that you've given us to today to for me just to stop, pause and share what you've put on my heart when it comes to family and what you've taught me over the years. It's certainly not exhaustive, but definitely some of the highlights, nuggets of wisdom that you've deposited into my heart and John's heart as we've engaged our marriage and our children, and I just thank you for the gift of family. I thank you for the gift of marriage, lord. It is truly just a beautiful design that you, the Creator, created, and I thank you that those who are under my listening ear are being encouraged right now through the power of your spirit and that anything that you wanted them to glean from today, that the deposits have made, have been made into their hearts, lord, and that you're going to continue to do the tending of those seeds that have been deposited. Lord, I thank you that you are blessing all those that are listening and that what you have established, no man can deconstruct. So I just send out a blessing over all those who have tuned in and, lord, we just love you, we thank you, we give you all the glory in Jesus' name, amen.

Angelic Gibson: 35:47

Thank you for joining us on this episode of Grow where God reveals our way. We hope you found inspiration, wisdom and encouragement as we continue on this faith filled journey together. We invite you to subscribe to Grow so you never miss an episode. Stay tuned for more biblical teachings, heartfelt testimonies and insights that will nourish your spirit and deepen your relationship with God. We appreciate your support and participation in this podcast. Until next time, may you grow in faith, love and knowledge of his divine plan. May God bless you abundantly.